Rating the Hades Gods by Sexiness

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What may very well be sexier than a God? Deities are nothing however uncooked energy and power, so it stands to cause that we lowly people can be interested in them. The difficulty right here is that not all Gods are created equal, and that is extraordinarily obvious to anybody who spends time with the game Hades. To assist our readers kind out how they really feel about all of those fairly (or ugly in some instances) mythological figures, we put collectively this easy rating. Time to rank the sexiness of all of the Gods in Hades!

Zeus

The Lord of the Skies is disgusting.

Possibly I simply can’t recover from how terrible Zeus is in most mythological tales and variations, however this man is gross. He appears to do rather a lot to assist out Zagreus in Hades, however I nonetheless need to run the opposite approach each time Zeus seems. The king of the Gods belongs within the trash.

Chaos

What even is that round his neck???

This man is actually simply gross and creepy. Each single time that Chaos seems in Hades, he simply manages to skeeve me out. I am not fairly positive its the useless look in his eyes, the bored tone in his voice, or the string of corpses he wears round his neck. Yeah, it is the corpses.

Hades

Cool beard! However you’re nonetheless a nasty particular person Hades.

The titular determine of our sport has somewhat little bit of an issue: He’s a large jerk. Sure, Hades is muscular and has a really intimidating presence, however I can’t discover anybody that treats his son so poorly enticing within the slightest. Be a greater dad if you wish to transfer up my listing, Hades.

Charon

I extremely doubt that is grape flavored vape juice.

Charon looks as if an OK dude, however his face is simply completely horrific. There’s nothing remotely horny about that tousled mug he’s hiding beneath his hat. On high of that, no matter that smoke is popping out of his mouth is unquestionably toxic, so it’s best to in all probability avoid that.

Ares

The face of a real psychopath.

Ares is a very handsome man, nevertheless it’s actually exhausting to get previous all of his bloodlust and fascination with warfare. Do you actually wanna hook up with somebody that’s extra preoccupied with interested by demise and destruction than you? I am positive that is somebody’s factor, nevertheless it’s undoubtedly not mine.

Aphrodite

Nudity is enjoyable and all, however that is simply uninspired Aphrodite.

It might be controversial to rank the goddess of affection this low on the listing due to course her complete factor is to be horny. She simply lounges round utterly bare on a regular basis and doesn’t put any effort into being enticing although. Come on Aphrodite, you are able to do higher than that! There’s extra to being horny than simply being bare, however perks to her for being that assured.

Artemis

I need to be Artemis’ greatest pal.

This goddess is fairly, nevertheless it feels incorrect to evaluate her a method or one other on her magnificence. Artemis is a powerful badass lady who doesn’t have to be outlined by her sexuality, and I for one completely love her for that. Regardless of how tiny she is, Artemis may in all probability homicide each different God on this listing. Facet notice: I don’t know what her hat is meant to be, however I actually need one.

Demeter

She could be the most regal lady I’ve ever seen.

Demeter is without doubt one of the few Gods who doesn’t look eternally younger, however that’s no cause to depend her out on this listing. She has an air of sophistication and wonder that older film stars like Cate Blanchett or Meryl Streep exude. Moderately than her wrinkles displaying her age, they as a substitute are a testomony to her expertise and knowledge. Her costume can be the best factor I’ve ever seen.

Hermes

When it comes all the way down to it Hermes is only a good dude.

Hermes is a cute little man. He will not be huge and robust like a number of the opposite Gods, however he is only a actually good man. Hermes appears to be pals with everybody he meets, even (in accordance with the Codex) Charon, who’s notoriously delinquent. He is the sort of man that you’d take house to satisfy your dad and mom. Additionally, these calf muscle mass? Elegant.

Poseidon

I might let Poseidon crush my head with these biceps.

Aside from one, Poseidon might be essentially the most enticing of the Olympians. He’s simply as sturdy as his two brothers, Hades and Zeus, however by far a lot kinder and extra approachable. His large arms may maintain anybody comfortably, and I guess he smells identical to the ocean after it rains. Poseidon exudes all the identical power and energy that his brothers convey to the desk, however with out the gross baggage and dead-beat dad power.

Thanatos

Thanatos completely rocks that mid-2000s emo band singer look.

Broody and mysterious. He’s a reasonably boy rather a lot like Zagreus, and has a number of the identical aesthetics. Sadly, there may be solely room for 2 cool fairly boys in my coronary heart, and Thanatos simply is not as a lot enjoyable as our protagonist.

Zagreus

Zagreus is the very best and sweetest of the Gods.

Zagreus is the star of the present, and he’s an excellent boy. He’s assured, sarcastic, and intensely rebellious. Not like his father this man appears to actually care concerning the welfare of these round him, which may be very horny of him. Zagreus is mainly Heath Ledger’s character in 10 Issues I Hate About You: A moody jerk on the floor who truly has a coronary heart of gold. He’s additionally very fairly.

Nyx

She will and can disembowel you. I might let her.

An ideal gothic queen. This goddess is the literal personification of evening, and her seems undoubtedly present it. Her hair and make-up are completely flawless and he or she exudes radiant magnificence, however she additionally appears the sort that may and can kill you on the drop of a hat. In different phrases, Nyx may be very scorching.

Dionysus

That’s the most seductive pose I’ve ever seen in my life.

All of us knew it was going to be Dionysus. How may it not be? This man simply exudes confidence and sexuality. All he ever does is get drunk and have loopy raging events, so in fact he’s a number of enjoyable to be round. He in all probability is not a lot for relationships, but when we’re speaking about one-night stands… it will in all probability be the best evening of your life.


TechRaptor performed Hades on the Nintendo Swap through a code supplied by developer Supergiant Video games. Additionally it is accessible on Steam.

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